Back in the day my mom had a gigantic paper route. Around 300 Daily Herald Newspapers and 100 or so Chicago Tribunes. These papers were delivered in most part to an apartment complex in Hoffman Estates. The apartments were 3 floors and the door to each floor had a lock. We used to help my mom run this route, and we were paid handsomely for our efforts. I believe Rob started out as the helper and eventually I was the man. The day started at about 3am and ended between 5:45 and 6:15am. Because of the nature of what we were doing and the fact that homeless people were sometimes sighted on the property my mom bought a can of Mace for herself and one for me or whichever kid was helping her that day.
One morning Matthew came along to deliver newspapers, and he was to accompany me. (He has always been a good pack mule and the papers were heavy as heck.) I never really carried the mace, but Matty was still little and he had the paper bag with the mace clipped to it. Everything was going well and Matt hadn't rubbed any mace in his eye this time out, so I was feeling good. Right near the end of the route Matt and I enter the back door of an apartment building and low and behold under the steps is a grimy looking homeless guy sleeping. As we pass Matt is startled by the man, and immediately reaches for the mace and takes aim on the sleeping hobo. Startled, I grabbed his arm, and said, "Dude, You can't Mace a sleeping person!". That poor guy was so close to having a very bad morning.
I still laugh my butt off when I think about what would have happened had this poor guy been maced in his sleep. Can you imagine how much that would suck? Just when you think life can't suck any more you get maced in the eyes while sleeping by an 8 year old. Poor hobo.
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5 comments:
LOL! I am crackin up! That was so funny! Great story Mike!
Hye i went on the same paper route with you guys and i never got mace!! what the heck...and i used to walk the halls by myself it was scary.i do remember getting attacked by a bird though mace would of helped alot:)
Wait I remember now it Was Matt and Renee that rubbed mace in their eyes. Not you Rebeca. Besides we would never wake you up unles we were desperate because you were HELL to deal with in the morning.
Yeah i hated waking up but the point is i did go on the same paper route and i never got mace!! whats up with that..... i dont even think i new about the mace untl i heard matt go it in his eyes:)
i didnt know about the mace either!! i remember going on the paper route and throwing up on the way home!! i also remeber going in the hallways of that building and feeling like i was going to get kidnapped!! :) but i never told anyone i was scared;)
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